10 Pieces Of Advice I’ve Been Given That Have Helped My Life

#1 “Care a little less”

One of my favourite bits of advice ever. This was from an old colleague of mine.

If you’ve ever met someone who seems completely at ease with themselves, confident but zero ego, can get along with anyone – this is him.
I’d seen him doing a bunch of presentations and social stuff and always impressed with it.

So I asked him something like “how did you get so confident?”.

I LOVE his answer which was literally “care a little less.’

Basically, his approach is, rather than trying to eliminate nerves or worry (which isn’t possible), to just dial it down a bit.

I love this because anyone can do it and it takes the pressure of feeling you have to completely change or become whatever ‘super confident’ might be. So in practice it might be – I’m super nervous about this presentation I’m about to give, but I’m just going to care slightly less because I know my colleagues want me to do a great job.

It’s NOT about not caring or not giving a shit – just dialing things down.

#2 “There’s always something to be done”

It’s 1996 – I’m in my first job – part-time in retail. I’m stood behind the till, chilling out. My manager pulls me up on this.
I got defensive as I’d just tided the shop floor and there weren’t any customers in the shop.

My manager says “there’s always something to be done.”

I looked around and initially was like “huh? like what?”. My manager points out that even in a little shop, nothing is always perfectly clean tidy or faced up.

It took me a while to really take that on board (hey, I was young). But it’s something that’s stuck with me ever since, and it applies to any job I’ve been in.

I think it’s particularly apt when we’re considering websites. We don’t just optimize and publish.

We analyse, iterate, improve the UX, optimize for conversions. There’s always something to do!

#3 “They’re just websites”

I’ve had a couple of times this year when I’ve got very overwhelmed and burned out at work. Agency life can be unpredictable as you’re working on varying number of projects, some with minimal hours, some with tons.

In the run up to a holiday in August, I’d let myself get burned out. With hindsight, whilst workload was an issue, I’d done myself no favours – wasn’t taking proper breaks, was allowing myself to constantly context-switch, wasn’t saying no, wasn’t protecting my time, wasn’t eating properly.

I got to the point where I was almost falling asleep at the dinner table, and just felt constantly on edge.

Anyway, I was talking to a colleague I really respect when I got back from holiday, and they said this: “it’s just websites.”

Now, to be clear, their point wasn’t that I shouldn’t care – it was that I (and tons of us) had got so wrapped up with being heads down, trying to balance all these projects, that I’d lost sight of the fact that my health is more important.

I’ve really taken it on board, especially if I’m feeling self-critical.

We’re digital marketers. Yes, we should care (and we do!) but we’re not in a situation where someone’s life is at stake, and we sometimes need to get outside, away from the desk and get some perspective.

#4 “Ask yourself – What’s great about this?”

This wasn’t advice from a person I knew. This was something I read in one of Tony Robbins’ books when I was getting into personal development. It was the idea that if you’re in a challenging situation you ask yourself, “What’s great about this?”

It’s something that feels and sounds very strange to do because you’re trying to come up with something positive about a negative situation but it can often work really well.

Now there are some times where, obviously, this wouldn’t be and it’s crass. If someone dies you don’t want to be thinking about what’s great about this.

To give you a better example earlier this year I was diagnosed with a stress fracture of my femur, which, for us runners, is quite a serious injury. I knew that I was going to be looking at at least four months with no running and a very slow return to training. I was really frustrated because I was in very good shape.

I had some important races lined up this year and my initial reaction was very emotive: very upset and angry. I felt really, really down for a couple of days and I was trying to get my mind through it.

One of the first things you really need to do with injuries is accept it. Thankfully with something like a stress fracture, the evidence is there. You have an MRI or an X-ray. You have to accept that that’s happened.

What I then did was ask myself, “What’s great about this?.” Initially when I asked myself that, I thought, nothing. I’ve got to be walking on crutches. I can’t run, which is my big passion. I’m not going to be able to exercise. I’ve lost all this training I’m doing. I won’t be able to do these races.

When I continued to ask myself, “What’s great about this?” I came up with a few things and I wrote them down:

• More time to do other things. When I’m normally in training I will be doing a long run on the weekends, which could be between 3 and 5 hours. Suddenly I’ve got that time back so I had more time to think about my website or time with my family or whatever it may be.
• I then also had more time to do different strengthening so I started to focus more on my upper body. That was great because it was something a bit different and helped me feel more physically confident about my body.
• It was also great because I got a chance to step back and think: What do I need to work on when I come back from running? I needed to rethink my diet, my strengthening plan, and also how other factors like sleep are affecting it.

It’s actually given me a good period of time to reflect so that when I return to running I’ll be stronger and I’ll be more resilient. Once I’d done that and realized there were benefits to this whole thing, things became easier.

#5 “Keep asking why”

A manager in an old job told me this one, and it was relating to strategy and finding out the root of the problem. The idea is you keep asking ‘why’ until you’ve got to the root cause of something.

So the context was I felt one of the teams I led was quite passive and it was falling on two people to speak up, to generate ideas and buzz.

Long story short, when I kept asking ‘why’ – I got to finding out the root issue, which was I was (inadvertently) favouring introverts during the hiring process.

I also like asking ‘why’ a bunch with SEO challenges. So that might go something like this…

Why isn’t this page getting any traffic?………it doesn’t rank

Why doesn’t it rank? ….it has no backlinks and the content sucks

Why does it have no backlinks?……there’s nothing linkable about the page

Why does the content suck?…it doesn’t meet the user intent

Why doesn’t it meet the user intent?..

etc etc..

#6 “Stare outside a window for five minutes every day”

This advice was given to me by a meditation coach. The idea is, well, what it says.

Find five minutes once a day and do nothing. No phone, no book, no TV, no screens.

And either stare at the wall or stare out the window for at least 5 minutes.

There are two reasons this is beneficial:

1) When we’re in that kind of state, which is the same as if we are staring out the window on a train, our brains go into a state where we are thinking more about the future than the past or present, which is really good for idea generation and problem solving

2) It’s just good to be away from screens, to be away from that stimulation, and just allow ourselves some time out

I always find it interesting, when I do this, that I feel quite guilty that I’m taking time out to do nothing. Also my brain tries to trick me by saying that I don’t have time to do it.

It’s interesting how much time we will allow ourselves to fill in the day and night with doom scrolling on our phone or just looking at stuff which serves no purpose. Many of us feel guilty for taking a break or not doing anything.

#7 “Imagine this was the last chance you could do this”

In the run-up to a 100 miler, I was getting into quite a negative state about it because I’d had bad experience with that particular course before. I knew it was going to be hot, which I don’t work well in.

I was on a call with one of my running friends and he made a really good suggestion, which is that when you’re out there you think to yourself: “What if this was the last time that I could be on this course, or what if this was the last time I was ever able to do an ultra marathon?”

And by doing this you’re changing your mindset to one of gratitude but also thinking about the present. I really remember that day that I made a point of really thinking about that and really appreciating the countryside I was in at the South Downs. I also made a point of touching a lot of the plants and trees that I was going past, really just admiring and appreciating the views, the fact that I had my health, that I was able to do this, and the fact it was such a beautiful day.

I think this approach is also good for other things in our life because we take all of these things that we have in our life for granted. If you actually stop and think, “What if this was the last chance I could do this?” everything becomes more poignant.

#8 “All you can do is breathe”

I was several hours into a blackout tattoo session on one of my arms and I was absolutely drained. I was in agony and every second the needle was in, I just got to a point where my body was so overwhelmed and sensitive. It was just really agony.

I kept having to stop and take little breaks and the advice my tattooist gave me was just “breathe.” Initially I thought, “Well that’s stupid. How does that achieve anything?” But his point was, “All you can do is breathe through it.”

The point wasn’t that breathing is going to fix it or make it painless. I think the point was that, by breathing, you’re giving yourself something conscious to think about other than just the pain.

You’re also giving yourself an acceptance that, in the moment, that’s all I could do. I couldn’t stop the pain. I didn’t want to end the session early because I would have just been left with a really stupid little patch on my arm. It was kind of like “stop moaning,” but said in a good way that actually makes a lot of sense.

#9 “You can wake up tomorrow morning feeling like shit, or wake up tomorrow morning feeling like shit but with a 100 mile buckle in your hand”

I was about 75 miles into my first 100-mile ultra. Things had gone really badly because I hadn’t followed my race plan. I wasn’t eating properly. I’d got into a very negative mental state and I’d been walking very slowly for several miles. I’d had enough and I decided I wanted to quit.

I made two calls while I was walking:

1. To my running coach. I said, “I’m going to quit,” and he said, “Okay but when you get to the aid station and you quit, make sure you keep eating and drinking anyway.”
2. To my wife to say, “Could you come and meet me at this aid station?”

I walked into the aid station and I’m covered in sweat, salt, mud, and grime. I’m slouching and I just look completely defeated. I got to the aid station and there were two volunteers there. I said to the first one, “I’m dropping out.”

The normal practice is that if you drop out they take your race number. They actually take the number that you have on your shorts or your vest and once you’ve taken it off, that’s kind of like formally saying that you’re out of the race. The first volunteer says, “Okay let’s take your race number,” and then the second race volunteer says, “Oh just a second. Just come and sit down for a minute before we take your number.”

I sat down and I’m almost in tears. I’m just feeling so sorry for myself, fed up. He tried to talk me out of it but he did it in a very clever way. Rather than just saying, “Hey it’s only 25 miles left” or whatever, he positioned it like this: “You got a choice. You can either wake up tomorrow morning feeling like shit or you can wake up tomorrow feeling like shit but you’ll be holding a 100-mile buckle in your hand.”

That really helped sum up what was going on because he was right. If I had stopped I would have still felt shit the next day but I wouldn’t have had that achievement.

To cut a long story short, about a few minutes after that I ran out of the aid station. I didn’t run for very long. I then had to do a lot more walking but I finished that 100-miler.

I was almost last but I wouldn’t have finished that if he hadn’t positioned things that way. If he’d have just said, “Hey, everything’s going to be okay,” something generic, I would have just dropped. He used a very simple but clever bit of psychology on me.

It was also very pivotal because I think if he hadn’t, not only would I not have finished that 100-mile, but I wouldn’t have gone back to do any more. I think that would have been it.

Since then there are two other 100-milers that I’ve finished and I have DNFed quite a few more. I really don’t think I would have ever gone back had I not completed that one and I have that person to thank for using that cunning bit of psychology.

And yes – I did feel like total shit the next day but waking up and seeing that buckle next to me and knowing that I’d achieved such a huge thing was amazing.

#10 “Change the way you talk about your sleep”

I’ve often had struggles with sleep. Once I’m asleep I’m always okay but historically getting to sleep has been challenging. I’ve arranged a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist this year. In one of the sessions we actually talked through more about my approach to sleep.

I’m one of those people that has done a lot of research and tried a lot of things. I’ve tried the whole “take magnesium, have a bath, write down your thoughts,” all this kind of standard stuff, and it’s never really worked for me.

When we really chatted about what was going on, she pointed out that the language I was using about my sleep was very negative. I would say stuff like, “I am bad at sleeping. I don’t sleep well. I have insomnia.”

More importantly the language I would use to myself at night would be, “I really need a good night’s sleep. I have to get a good night’s sleep.” I was piling on a lot of pressure to myself so that when I was getting to sleep, all I could think about was, “I need to get the sleep. If I don’t have a good sleep today I won’t be able to work properly tomorrow. If I don’t get a really good sleep tonight I won’t be able to do a good run tomorrow.”

What she encouraged me to do was very simple but had a big impact. Rather than saying, “I have to sleep,” or “I need to sleep,” I would say, “I deserve to sleep,” or “I deserve to have a good night’s sleep.” That’s worked really well because I believe in it. I work hard. I do. I have my job. I have three children. I put a lot of effort into my running and I do deserve to sleep.

By saying “I deserve to sleep” it also took off the pressure of “I have to” or “I need to.” I think we do this to ourselves a lot in the way we talk about things.

Many of us speak in very definitive terms, like “I’m not a people person” or “I can’t do X, I can’t do Y.” Often there isn’t necessarily much truth to it but the language that we use and the way we talk to ourselves defines how we behave.

I think this point about talking about the sleep was a good example of how we can just shift our language to take off the pressure from ourselves.